So I have a life coach… someone I report to… not really, but really – it’s optional and I choose to opt in. Why? Much as I have been doing a good job of intentionally making personal and professional positive changes, I seem to quickly fall back into the routine of oddly made choices and for some reason can’t figure out why or how I even get there.
Several weeks ago, a friend called me with the biggest professional issue of her career – at least that’s what she said. As she was speaking, I realized that I had every possible solution to her problems and that I could guide her through the options by rephrasing her sentences and helping her look at the issues from all angles. In about an hour, her angst was gone, she had a game plan that seemed comfortable to her, and she was ready for action. As I hang up, I thought, I need someone like that in my life – someone who is not in it, someone who can talk me through the issues, say back to me what I just said to them, and help me see the issues from all angles, then free me to choose a plan of action. Soon after that, I found out that Oprah Winfrey had 3 or 4 life coaches, and that Lisa Nichols had 2. Why do I think I can handle all this by myself?
Our first meeting was scheduled for yesterday morning, and it did not disappoint. By the end of the meeting I had discovered that the I have probably never experienced (from myself) the kindness and leeway that I accord others. The realization made me emotional because when I was a people manager, my staff shared with me that they loved working for me because in my view mistakes were learning opportunities and not accomplishing a goal meant that you had hit the first milestone and you were on your way to the goal. What a concept! Kindness to others encouraged them to do better work. So why don’t I think I should treat myself as well as I do others?
A quick examination of all the goals that I am trying to accomplish shows that I judge myself based on how I get from 0 to 100 hundred as quickly as possible. In my world there are no milestones, and certainly no breaks to applaud the progress. If it is not done, it is not good enough. In reality this is how it looks – the library in Karateng’, Kenya that has been running for one year… that’s not good enough because it is just a house with tables, chairs, books, and people who help children read. We have no computers, no stable electricity and no donors. If this was someone else’s project I would never carry that attitude! I would encourage them to look at their journey so far and not how much they have to go…
My goal today is to be kind to myself and to notice all the times that I do not give credit to myself where it is due. I will acknowledge small milestones, and pat myself on the back every so often. I will redefine success. I will be kind to myself!
In My Head... 